Wednesday, August 10, 2022 17:54

Archive for October, 2012

Red is a stupid color

Sunday, October 28th, 2012

Two discoveries. One, I have no idea how you people find your way around on foot. All your roads are the same color, how does anyone tell them apart? In New York, at least the subway lines were different colors…

Second discovery. Legends has the worst shoe selection in the multiverse. While several of their shoes were shiny,  not a single one was made out of actual silver. In fact, for some reason they kept trying to give me RED shoes. Why would I want red shoes? And they claim to know what’s fashionable.

I have filed a complaint. It’s not as effective as cursing, but it’s the best I can do here.


Sunday, October 28th, 2012

I have developed a new hypothesis. Random fictional transportation doesn’t work, but your science has failed as well.

Maybe the wardrobe and the mirror won’t work because they are not connected to me. I got here by a twister; that was a common method of transport back in my universe.

So now I think I need to try the other. SHOES. It always comes back to shoes, doesn’t it? Now if only I can find the right pair…


Friday, October 26th, 2012

Quoth Dryunya:

I… think that’s not exactly a scientific approach, lady Witch.
I understood your last post as an attempt to analyze the interdimensional travels and… I don’t know, apply your magic to repeat them? But I don’t think just trying out fictional means of transportation is going to work. They are called ‘fictional’ for a reason.

Well alright then. You wanted science? I give you science.

As you have all become horribly aware, I am not at my magical best in this world. I blame it on the lack of a proper grimmoire, but I suppose it is also possible that your world is not suited for magic. Therefore, I have decided to turn my brief attentions to the magic-equivalent of your world.

I’ve been studying the ideas of wormholes these past few days, poring into books that were not easy to find at all (why don’t you people find this stuff more interesting to read?) I finally caught onto how the math and science works compared to the magic of my world. The math to create a Morris-Thorne wormhole wasn’t too complex; what took more time was figuring out how to apply the mathematics to physics and science. The lack of incantations to use threw me off until I realized that they apply in the same way to computer commands with machinery to control the process.

The main issue I had after studying the subject was creating the exotic matter necessary to sustain a stable wormhole (there are other ways of doing this, but the easiest seems to use exotic matter). There are only a few places that have formed stable exotic matter, but its extremely dangerous unless you can narrow down the mathematics to the googleplexth. I’ll admit, I stole some items and broke into a few high tech laboratories, but it truly was in the name of science. At the end of all of this, I only had a few tries before I ran out of material and the machinery began to fail.

Needless to say, I did succeed in forming a few small wormholes. However, as much as I tried to manipulate the wormhole, it popped in and out of existence too easily. I surmise that there are now a plethora of wormholes, sometime, somewhere, where before there had been few. Also, they were not large enough to do anything with in particular, other than conduct further research upon. And I suspect that they linked only to your world, or other simultaneously existing instances of your world. Pity.

The problem with this is that wormholes only work within the four dimensions of space and time. Wormholes will either bridged distances in 3 dimensions or connect alternate universes with your universe. You can break through the connecting walls of each alternate universe, but you cannot connect to a universe that is completely separate from your own. For those of you who are familiar with four dimensional geometic shapes: instead of connecting to another cube in a tesseract, I need to connect to a completely different tesseract and cross what could be considered a fifth dimension – this White Void, or Fourth Wall, or what have you. Wormholes can’t do that, so I’m still stuck here.

In my fury, I destroyed all my lab equipment, plans, and prototypes. The dinosaur helped. Then I ate it.

I had so much hope in this and FOUR DAYS WORTH of time and effort went down the tubes. So much for research. I need more ideas. The mirror idea is starting to look a little more tempting…

On Wardrobes

Tuesday, October 23rd, 2012

I walked by a house today and saw a beautiful wardrobe in one of the windows. I broke into the house and opened the wardrobe and ran inside… it didn’t work. Though the books you guys recommended CLEARLY INDICATED that this was a method of inter-dimensional travel. It doesn’t look like that source was reliable.

However, a new potential lead. Someone told me about a girl who traveled to another world by walking through a mirror. I’ll be gone for a bit to see if I can locate a mirror like this. I’ll respond to you all when I finish my quest (unless I’m successful).

“The Wizard of Oz”

Sunday, October 21st, 2012

I tried reading the book. It lead to no clues on how to get home. It was utterly blank, unsurprising seeing how other “Fictionals” have experienced the same. I really hope you people expected otherwise — that somehow I would break the pattern that I’ve seen you discussing. I am glad that you are working in a way to return me home… but know that I will be most displeased if you were deliberately wasting my time. Do not test my patience.

If you have a book to recommend that details how I could travel from one world to another, make sure the book actually contains such travel. And, more importantly, make sure it’s one I can read.

Further research required

Sunday, October 21st, 2012

I have been looking through your forums in greater depth. While some elements seem…childishly absurd, your theories seem fairly sound.

The idea of the boundary separating fiction – my world – from reality seems to be a complicated relationship. How is it possible that something that sounds so inherently metaphysical can break in a physical manner? If the Fourth Wall truly contains this White Void, then it is a physical realm.

This does lead me to believe, however, that there must be ways to go back. Perhaps it would require finding a physical crack, rather than these echoes? Perhaps it would require a character somehow reaching into these echoes, reconnecting with them? I do not know, and it seems like we will have no way of knowing until this Administrator figure has completed his research to his satisfaction.

However, if I know anything, I know that there are plenty of stories that feature crossing from one world into the next. I believe that I may apply myself to this research and discover an alternate route home. As the Administrator would say, further research is required. Like him, I cannot possibly do it all alone. Please, send me your ideas. I am open to any suggestion.

In the meantime, let us try to make this world a little more livable. If it is such that I never return home, I need to make sure that this world becomes what I need it to be. There needs to be more controlled, intentioned, meaningful evil in the world today and I am the only woman who stands for bringing it back. Continue posting my flyers and report back with new recruits. I must win. I must become Wizard if I am to survive here.

The Campaign

Friday, October 19th, 2012

I’m not quite giving up on my campaign, by the way. Maybe if I win this race to be Wizard, I can leverage the governments resources to this matter. Or find a way to fix what makes your world so… terrible.

But… it’s not just the elements that are wrong here… it’s the people, the mockery and bureaucracy that stands in the way of true evil.  Based on the tone of some of your comments, I’m not sure I have much hope.

So I need a backup plan. I’m going to do what I can to get home.


Friday, October 19th, 2012

I hate it here.

I absolutely cannot STAND your world any longer.

Shortly after I got back to Kansas there was a storm here. Perhaps it was a typhoon — I don’t know. In any case, there was rain.

I am used to keeping the rain away from me with magic, but this…I could not stop it.

As the thunder crashed and the lightning struck, I curled up and watched from a safe distance. I thought only about whether the roof was leaky and the windows were closed properly. I cannot remember another time where my mortality occupied such a large portion of my thoughts.

No one else was scared. Even though storms are unusual here, the news reports have little to say about it. They focus instead on how this storm had been predicted for the last week.

Is this the world I have unwillingly, unwittingly entered?

Several of you have offered to get me home. This is about the only good thing that has happened recently. I need you to try everything you can. I’ll be doing my own research into the matter.


Thursday, October 18th, 2012

Okay, well… that was a disaster. I feel awful. I want to curl up into a ball and die. I briefly considered pouring water on myself, but fortunately, the mood passed.

Here’s what happened. I walked in through the front doors of one of the banks. I cackled as I told the teller I wished to meet with a banking executive, to discuss our best evil plans for the future. She started laughing. I didn’t understand why. I thought my cackling was sufficiently evil-sounding. Evidently not.

They wouldn’t even meet with me. I was told, on no uncertain terms, that the banking executives wouldn’t share my interests, I had no chance, and I was wasting my time. I think she thought I was a joke.

I didn’t know what to do after that. I kind of just… wandered around for a bit. It had started raining, so I pulled out my umbrella. Finally sat down by a statue of some guy named “Duffy” to collect my thoughts and write this post.

This world is all wrong. Where I’m from, it’s fun to be evil. Good people expect it of you. It’s this dance that we do; they play their part, we play ours, everybody has fun (I do, at least) and nothing unexpected happens. The conflict between good and evil has a point. Here, evil is meaningless. And the evil people don’t realize they’re evil. They don’t have a chance to enjoy it or revel in it, cause they’re too busy thinking they’re right.

I need to win this election, to set things right. But if I can’t…

Well, I don’t even want to think about that right now.


Wednesday, October 17th, 2012

In my time away, I’ve been doing extensive research into the way politics work in your world.

It appears that launching a campaign, especially this late in the game, requires significant funding, something which I do not currently have. Luckily, I have also discovered that a large amount of the money in this world is in the hands of  ”bankers” and “Wall Street executives” who, according to the articles I found on the internet, are responsible for most of the current evils in your world.

This is perfect. We will bond over our mutual appreciation of villainy, and just like that, I shall have the financial backing I need. I will outspend the other two Wizards, and my victory will be secured!

I’m on a train to the headquarters of many of these villains right now.  Stay tuned, my minions — I’ll have the results tomorrow.